Form question, for bench and DL

[Desp]

So for BB bench press, is it best to keep your arms to your side, or let them flare out? When I keep them right next to my side, I can't do as much weight, which I have no problem with if they are more effective. Same with incline bench?

When doing DL, is it better to have your arms on the outside of your legs, with legs closer together, or have your legs spread out more, with your arms going inbetween them with a closer grip? And is it bad doing a lot of weight with SLDL? DL you're mostly suppose to feel in your lower back and legs right? Or just legs? And SLDL is for lower back, or hams?

Thanks.

[Hoops]

If you're hands are inside your legs it's a sumo deadlift, not a deadlift.